The Man Behind The Ass

* The titantron flares to life. *

* On the titantron, we see an office with a chair facing the crowd. *

Mysterious Man: Hello, Shoot Wrestling Society!

* The crowd remains silent. *

Mysterious Man: Well that's not the response I was looking for. Perhaps this will do the trick.

* The man spins around in his chair to reveal a man with a short, stocky build and a butt where is face should be. *

* The crowd gasps. *

B' u t t: It is I, ze wonderful attorney, Senior B' u t t.

B' u t t: Some of you may know me from some of ze various cases I have solved, others may have never even heard my name.

B' u t t: So today I am here to give you a little background on myself.

* The crowd waits quietly. *

B' u t t: As a young boy, I was always fascinated by ze law. I always enjoyed showing people zat just because someone's facial features are unique, zey are not fools. I solved my first case at the age of five. It was a case about a bag of stolen pasta.

* The crowd takes a moment to respect his wonderful skills with a short cheer. *

B' u t t: I also solved a case involving ze great Electrifyy, but zat is a different story for another time.

B' u t t: Never ze less, during my life of solving crime, I also learned to wrestle. Criminals can be rowdy these days, even to a poor deformed attorney like me.  But, with brain and brawn, I quickly became a force to reckoned with. Many of my childhood bullies and opposing criminals were buried by my awesome skills.

* A quick disclaimer airs on the screen *

Disclaimer: They were not actually buried, this is simply a metaphor.

B' u t t: Soon, all of you will be lucky enough to see my skills in action. I have been chosen to be the lawyer for zis wonderful company, and I will do my best to serve it properly.

B' u t t: If push comes to shove, I may have to wrestle some dolts into their place.

* A young man walks into the room. *

Young man: Sir, didn't you want to give them more of a background?

B' u t t: Hush you dolt, you're ruining my promo.

Dolt: Yes sir.

* The dolt leaves the room. *

B' u t t: Ze B' u t t revolution begins in 2015. Be there, or be square.

* The titantron fades to black as the crowd chants B' U T T, B' U T T, B' U T T! *