The camera opens up to show a beach at night where a large bonfire is burning. Surrounding it are the pirates led by their captain, Sebastian Wolfe. They are drinking, dancing, singing and just overall merriment.
Crew: Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest, Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum! Drink and the devil had done for the rest, Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
One of the pirates throws a half empty bottle of rum into the fire, causing the flames to rise momentarily, the pirates cheer
Sebastian Wolfe: OY!
The pirate crew stops singing and dancing as the captain walks towards the one who throw the rum away
Sebastian Wolfe: I saw that! That bottle wasn’t empty was it? WAS IT!?
Pirate: It was nearly done cap’n.
Sebastian Wolfe: Oh, then that’s ok.
The captain walks away and the pirate sighs of relief
BANG!
Wolfe takes out a gun and shoots the pirate in the knee. He falls and screams in pain
Sebastian Wolfe: I’m sorry, the gun was nearly empty.
He puts the gun back in its holster
Sebastian Wolfe: Never waste the rum. It’s all we got.
Pirate 2: Can’t we just get more?
Sebastian Wolfe: Of course but still. Rum is good
Wolfe sits down on a chest and appears to be disheartened
Pirate 2: Something wrong cap’n?
Sebastian Wolfe: I really thought this chest would be filled with ancient gold and treasures galore but instead...
He stands up and opens the chest
Sebastian Wolfe: It’s filled with copies of Hulk Hogan’s sex tape. No one wants those.
Random pirate in the background: It’s still a nice chest
Sebastian Wolfe: Not as nice as your mother’s!
Crew: AAAHHHH!
The pirate crew begin to push and shove the pirate
Sebastian Wolfe: We should burn these. Let no man face the horror of a naked Hulk Hogan. We can keep the chest. I think it would be better than having to take a dump overboard.
Pirate 3: I got splinters on me arse the other day. I think it got infected
Sebastian Wolfe: Too much information lad. Now let’s burn this sin against nature
The crew cheer as they begin to throw the abomination into the fire. The camera fades to black
Subject: Never waste the rum 
Wed Oct 22, 2014 4:34 pm
